Reframing Rejection with Tanesha Moody

When putting yourself out there, rejection is inevitable. But here’s a reframe you might need to hear: YOU are not being rejected. It’s only your OFFER that is being rejected.

Tanesha Moody was, at one point, drowning in rejection from every direction, from job applications to dating apps to her own friendships. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered the transformative power of separating rejection from yourself. 

Today, Tanesha is a speaker, writer, and founder of Full Out Coaching, and she’s got amazing insight about how this simple reframe can impact how you show up and live your life. 

Honestly, this conversation came at exactly the right moment for me. Sure, sometimes friends do reject core parts of who we are, but more often, they just reject a dinner invitation or don’t respond how we hoped they would in a text message. In some cases, rejection can bring people together and should be celebrated; after all, rejection is evidence that we tried.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Tanesha’s experience facing rejection from multiple aspects of her life, including job applications, dating apps, and friendships
• Reframing rejections as a step not a stop; a rejection is not necessarily to you but to the offer you made
• How Tanesha seeks rejection daily, plus, the benefits of rejection, including building resilience and fostering growth
• Using rejection parties as a way to celebrate and learn from rejection and build community 

Resources & Links

Learn more about Tanesha’s business, Full Out Coaching.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital pen pal app used by over 10 million people worldwide. If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required.

Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Transcript

Podcast Intro/Outro: 1:28

All right, gang. Here's to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn into family. Cheers. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I'm your host, Alex Alexander. Each week we talk about what is working(and what is not) in our friendships, community and connections. Have you ever wished you could sit down and have a conversation about what is really going on in your friendships? Well, you found your people. Join us as we dive into real life stories and explore new ways to approach these connections. Together, we're reimagining the rules of friendship

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 2:24

What if I told you that the feeling you've been avoiding rejection could actually be the key that unlocks deeper connections, better relationships and a more authentic life. I know I know that sounds completely backwards, but today's guest is going to flip everything you think you know about rejection on its head. Tanesha l moody is a speaker, writer and founder of Full Out Coaching with a background that's anything but traditional. She went from calling cues as a professional theater stage manager to leading global events for companies like Under Armor, Disney and Salesforce talk about a career pivot, only to pivot again today, she helps individuals and teams navigate rejection, reinvention and leadership with honesty and heart, creating space to talk about the moments we often hide. What you're about to hear started when Tanesha found herself drowning in rejection from every direction, job applications, dating apps, distant friends. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered something that changed how she approaches rejection relationships and showing up. In general, we're diving into a reframe that will change how you see every interaction. We talk about micro-rejections, like when that stranger doesn't smile back at you in the store, rejection parties, and how seeking out rejection daily can make you braver and more connected. If you've ever held back from reaching out, applying or sending that text because you fear the no response you're going to get, this conversation will give you a completely new framework. By the end, you might be seeking out rejection and setting your own daily rejection goals.

Alex Alexander: 4:30

Hi, Tanesha, thanks for joining us today on Friendship. IRL,

Tanesha Moody: 4:35

yes, Thank you so much for having me. Alex, it's so great to be here.

Alex Alexander: 4:40

You know, I've said this to you a few times now, but I think I say what you say, but with like, 12 paragraphs, and you just you have gone through this entire journey, and now you have so much clarity around it, and I'm just really excited that you're here to share with everybody today. Can you talk a little bit about your journey with rejection, and especially like, let's just start with where it started. Like, how did you start this journey with rejection?

Tanesha Moody: 5:16

Definitely, yes. Thank you so much for asking this. And it really started at a time in my life where it just felt like rejections were coming from everywhere, everywhere they were coming. They were coming from just being laid off from a job that I thought I was going to be at for like years to come. I was going to make my career out of for the rest of that. And I was putting jobs applications out. So some of those were going unanswered, or I would get super far, and then they were like, Oh, we have to pivot. So it felt like rejection from that there was dating rejections. I might gone through a breakup maybe about a year before, so So of course, I went like the dating apps. So rejections coming from that, from swiping left or I swipe right on somebody that you swipe right to, and then, like you don't hear anything, and then to top it off, it felt like rejections were coming even from friendships too, like I was feeling like some of them were distant, like I'd reach out to people not hear back, or I would hear back in a way that didn't really support me. So that's really kind of how it started. It wasn't just like one area, it was all of them. It. And it felt so heavy, it felt so personal. It felt like, goodness, is it me? And I was just so tired of it honestly, like dealing with that disappointment, the hurt, the sadness, and honestly, that's kind of where it started for me, because I was so curious, like, is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Am I too much? Am I not enough? All of those things, oh, those phrases, yeah, those phrases that we all think sometimes. I mean, honestly, I was up last night. I had so much anxiety last night. For some reason, I don't normally wake up in the middle of the night, but my brain was just racing, and I was having those thoughts like, literally 12 hours ago, maybe nine hours ago. Yeah, it's wild what our brain starts thinking. And as I was listening to you talk about all those rejections, what was really hitting me is it's such a mix of big rejections, right, getting laid off from a job, and then all these little like micro rejections, that's what I call, but, oh, is it? Yeah, but I listening to you talk about it, like one of those micro rejections could have felt as big as a layoff. Like, it seems like a small just like another one in the pile, but they can feel so different. And when you add all that together, like, maybe sometimes people get to the point where you were at where you just felt like it was coming at you from all sides. But I'm like, Man, I don't know, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm having a lot of rejection just in normal life, not even in a season that I feel like I'm like, we are surrounded by rejection every day, whether we're acknowledging it or not. That is so true. That is so true. And for me, how I define rejection is basically anytime you put something out there, an offer, and you hear no, when the answer could have been yes, that, to me, is rejection. That is my definition, and it makes it a little bit clearer for me to understand, like, was I actually rejected, or was there something else? And those offers could be something small, like, oh, I smiled at my neighbor today, and they didn't smile back. And that's when I think about, oh, that's a micro rejection. Like, you put out an offer into the world and you got to know, or you got like, that's okay, and that feels like a rejection to me.

Alex Alexander: 9:06

Yeah. I mean, the neighbor is such a good example. Do you have any other examples of, I guess, what you would think of as a micro rejection?

Tanesha Moody: 9:15

Yeah, honestly, so many. I feel like they're kind of the ones, like the really subtle ones sometimes when maybe you say something especially, like, in the group chat with your friends, or like, you're out of the happy hour, and there's no like response to it, and it was an opportunity to respond to it. It's different. If it's like, you know, this is just the end, like, I'm finished, but like, if that offer was something like, they could have gone a little deeper with it, or it, could have acknowledged it, or just a head nod something. Those feel like micro-rejections too, because it's it's an alpha right there, but you didn't get a yes or a no from it.

Alex Alexander: 10:01

I mean, when you phrase it that way, we really are experiencing rejection all day long, all the time or or we're not, because we're holding back, right? Because I can think of a time where maybe there's something I thought about sending in the group text, and then I didn't know how it would be responded to, so I didn't send it because I didn't want that micro rejection. So even though I could think, Oh, well, it's just a text message, right, I could brush it off. There was something there. I'm just pointing this out because I think that calling out these micro-rejections is so important. Because when we think of rejection, I think most of the time we think of these big things. And a lot of what's talked about when it comes to rejection is the big things, right? Like put in the job application, submit the paper, put your name in the hat, and yes, you can hold yourself back from that, but you also can hold yourself back from yourself back from all these little, tiny moments of connection. And to me, I just hadn't really thought that deeply about that before we hopped on this call. And now I'm like, wow, my mind is a little blown by the number of opportunities for rejection in our day. Mm. Yeah. So now that all of us are sitting here just thinking about how much rejection is possible in every moment, can we talk a little bit about how you have reframed rejection? Because now that I'm realizing how much rejection there is, now I'm like, wow, the way you're framing this is even more important, because it's not just me choosing to ask you to come on my podcast that you could reject. Yeah, there's dozens of other little moments in there. Like your reframe is so important. So can you talk about how you've reframed rejection

Tanesha Moody: 12:10

definitely, and what you're hitting on is so important, and I feel like it started as a bigger journey for me during that time of countless rejections, I felt like I was introduced to coaching. I became a certified coach, and something that really kind of resonated with me on that journey was this idea of living full out, which is part of my company, but also just how I want to live my life and how I encourage and empower others to live their lives. I'm a trained dancer, and there's this idea of marking where you know you're just kind of going through the steps and like when the instructor, when your choreographer, is like full out, that means you bring your whole self there, like you are ready to go on that stage. I remember one time like they were like full out, and I ran into a piano at one point, so definitely went very full out for both the piano and myself. So of course, you're going to do it safely, but I recognize that that's the same thing that happens in my life. Like I was hesitating with how I wanted to show up. Like, you know, sometimes I was leaning into fear instead of the clarity and that I wanted to be a person that took a risk, that owned their decisions, that showed up with the energy, the values my purpose and I recognize through all of that, that navigating rejection is part of that cheat code. You know, the rejection piece of it, you know, recognizing that it's just a step, that it's not a stop, that it's something that I can navigate around. But I had to first understand that rejection is not personal. It's not about me, it's not a no to me, it's a no to my offer. They're not rejecting me. They're rejecting the offer. And with that reframed, I was really able to understand what an offer really was like. Was it them rejecting my time or my opportunity to be intimate with them, or just something I said? Were they rejecting that offer that helped changed everything?

Alex Alexander: 14:24

So to reiterate it right, if we are talking about that example where you smiled at someone in a coffee shop and they didn't smile back, right, maybe they reacted. Maybe they just pretend they didn't notice. You, think that would be a common one. Or maybe they kind of made people aren't able to see me, but maybe they kind of made big eyes of like, why are you smiling at me and just turned away? Yes, maybe they passive aggressively. They're like, Yeah, hello and again, right? That's they're being very defensive there, whatever it is, however their response is, what that means is that that person isn't rejecting you. They don't think you're a bad person or a terrible person or a person that is too much, which I'm putting in air quotes. They probably don't really have any thoughts necessarily about you, but they are rejecting your offer of connection

Tanesha Moody: 15:28

exactly.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 15:31

I need to repeat this because it is so important. Rejection is any time you put an offer out there and hear no, when it could have been Yes, it's when someone could have leaned in but chose to lean out. It's when someone could have noticed a small detail about you. But let that moment pass by. We're not just dealing with big rejections. We are experiencing micro rejections all day long, with partners, friends, kids, strangers, that builds up, and then I'm out here telling you to put yourself out there, say hi to that person, send that text, make that offer, but you feel like you are being rejected left and right. I get why you might be like, Alex, come on. So here is the reframe that changes everything. You aren't being rejected. Your offer is being rejected. If we can drill that into our heads, it depersonalizes what's happening. It makes it less scary to show up and live full out, as Tanesha says.

Alex Alexander: 18:08

And it can be as simple as that moment again, like that's a micro moment. But when those happen all the time, they get in our heads.

Tanesha Moody: 18:18

That is so true, like all these emotions come up with that because especially, and I noticed this way earlier on this path that I'm still navigating, because it's going to be a lifelong run, rejections, not going anywhere. Sorry, y'all, I don't have that secret code.

Alex Alexander: 18:36

Why that happens often on this podcast, like we're going to talk about something today, just so you're we're bringing awareness to it. But there is no answer. There's no fix. We're just becoming aware. So that's totally normal here,

Tanesha Moody: 18:50

definitely, but I definitely noticed, though, like those micro-rejections and the bigger rejections, they always hit the hardest when I was unclear of who I am, like who I am at my core, what my values are, what my intrinsic value is, how I identified as a person, because it's so easy to wrap it up. Like, you know, I'm an African American woman, black. Like, oh, they didn't smile at me because I'm black. Like, come on, that's not what happened. Maybe, you don't know, but, like, that's not again, like, what was at the core of it? Like, even if that was the reason that's still a no to my offer, not to me personally, because there's tons of black people, there's tons of women out there, there's tons of fabulous people, and there's me, and they don't know who I am. No one truly knows who that person is, except ourselves when we do that work.

Alex Alexander: 19:52

When you're now leaning into this journey of like seeking out rejection. Can you give me some examples of like ways you are seeking out rejection?

Tanesha Moody: 20:04

Yes, I kind of would probably divide it and conquer it into like buckets and themes in terms of, like my friendships and my relationships with my family and my community. My favorite way to put myself out there, to put an offer out there, is usually to reach out via text. I don't like to text, but I know that like sending a quick note, randomly inviting people out, maybe on a day where, like, they might or might can't do something which will result in a no. That's something that I do pretty much every day, every day I try to, like, reach out to somebody and put just something out there that could receive a yes to your offer or no to it. In addition being an entrepreneur, there are tons of opportunities to pitch to individuals, to cold call to reach out to dream clients, whether that's an email or an application or submission. Do those all of the time as well. In terms of any kind of business related pieces, I would say those are the ones that I'm continuously seeking out, the ones that, especially for those business ones that I have to submit something. My favorite approach, when I'm afraid to do it, or like I'm fearful of the rejection is I will push submit, and then I'll run away, like every time, or I'll run and grab, like a glass of wine, like, all right, we're good. We did that, a nice gin cocktail. We did that. But really push send and run away, even on text messages too, sometimes, depending on the person

Alex Alexander: 21:43

I was gonna say, it sounds like a, I don't know, like a physiological, like somatic, right? That's what you want to do, is run away. So you're like, allowing yourself to do the thing you want to do, like you already forced yourself to send the message or send the pitch. Don't force yourself to control afterwards and pretend like you enjoy doing it, yeah. Like, that's okay. Just now that you've done it, now that you've blacked out for a second hit submit, do what you want to do, which is be a little scared, because you don't know how this is about to be, and that's okay. So how has this approach of seeking out rejection? I could just say, how has it changed your life? But it sounds like you have two buckets. So maybe like, how has it changed your approach to your relationships?

Tanesha Moody: 22:34

I feel like, in terms of my relationships, it's changed a lot of things in terms of, definitely how I view routine. Protection and how I utilize it to fuel my growth, but also within my friendships, I've been a little bit honest with some people and transparent about what's going on too, and being willing to share with them like hey, like when that happened, I felt rejected. It felt like you rejected my offer. Being willing to put that out there, to be vulnerable in that space with them, has allowed them to do the same thing with me. And I feel like some of our relationships have grown and gotten deeper because of that. And what's really awesome about that is that it feels like rejection kind of loses its power, a little bit like you sharing your rejection experiences amongst others. Like it feels like, Oh, now I have, like, a community of people to carry this with me and to navigate around this with so it's not so heavy anymore.

Podcast Intro/Outro: 23:49

I love this phrasing, and I want us all to stick it in our back pocket for a moment where we feel hurt and need to talk to our friends. I felt like you rejected my offer instead of I felt like you rejected me. Sure, sometimes friends do reject core parts of who we are, but more often, they reject a dinner invite or didn't respond the way we hope to a text message. When we separate the offer from ourselves, it becomes so much easier to be curious. It's easier to ask, why did you reject my offer? Then why did you reject me? And leads to a much less charged conversation. Your friend feels less defensive when you say my offer, because that might actually be true. They had a headache. They're watching their budget. They're trying to get to sleep earlier because they have some big health goals that's not about you or them. Not wanting to spend time with you. They just rejected that specific offer. Now you can explore why way more effectively. You know how people say don't take things so personally, and you try to ignore your feelings like that's your solution to that. Well, this is an actual way to allow your feelings to exist, but also not take it personally.

Alex Alexander: 25:30

Yeah, what a beautiful way to add, like emotional intimacy in your friendships. Everybody, right? We've already covered everybody's experiencing rejection. This makes me think of I heard this story years ago, but it always sticks with me, and it's about a group of, I think, medical students, and they were submitting to journals like different studies or things. Maybe it was PhD students, people in higher education. Basically, they were submitting PhD like articles to different journals, and it's very common to get rejected. It's way more common to get rejected than it is to get accepted. But everyone in this PhD program wants to succeed, right? They want to look like they have it all together. They want to be the top of their class and get the best grades. So they didn't particularly want to admit how often they were being rejected, but they had no idea if it was more or less than the rest of their peers, because nobody talked about it, and it was really like wearing on one of the gals, and she decided to talk about it with a group of her classmates, and they created a Text group where they would text each other every single time they were rejected from a journal, and they would celebrate the rejection, yes, and be really excited about it, right? Because it means they took the risk they put the offer out there. That's really probably what they're celebrating. If we back up into your framework. And the closing of this article I read years ago was basically like they hoped, to kind of keep this group going, that they could keep celebrating their rejections as they move forward, because they saw how powerful it was. And I think it made it I would have guessed. This in the article, but I would guess you're even more likely to put the offer out there, because you know that at the end of the day, no matter what, even if you get rejected, you could still be celebrated for it.

Tanesha Moody: 27:39

Yes, yes, that is lovely. And something I've written in. Out as well. Rejection parties is what I like to call them fun. Yes, doesn't that sound fun? Like, imagine, like you have confetti of all the emails that rejected you from job things and all the menus swipes left on on balloons or something like, it could be really great to have this kind of party. But yes, I feel like that is so important, and there's so much to celebrate from a rejection too. Like, you have data now you have information. You have, like, the courtesy from somebody that actually saw you as a person enough to actually give you an answer. Like, that's something to celebrate like, there's gratitude in rejection, there's learning and rejection, there's growth on the other side of that rejection, there's a lot to celebrate for it, if we stop just looking at it like, Man, this is, this is the worst thing ever, if we just kind of dance around it a little bit at a party. There's so much that comes from that.

Alex Alexander: 28:44

Yeah, it's funny, because now I'm sitting here, I'm like, wow, rejection could be such a community builder. And obviously that's not something that is widely believed or thought about or considered, but it would be such a beautiful way to I mean, it could be any sort of friend. It could be a friend from one particular area of your life. It could be like an old classmate from five years ago, and you're both in the same field, so you get what it takes to apply to all these jobs. And it's like a way to reconnect with that person, to celebrate your rejections. It could be one of your oldest, closest friends that you feel like you don't talk to enough and you agree that you're gonna celebrate all your rejections like there's so many ways you could structure this, or people you could choose to be a part of your rejection party that would bring you closer. Like it doesn't just need to be, let's say your sister or your partner or your parents, like it could be anybody.

Tanesha Moody: 29:52

Yes, exactly. That's what makes it so beautiful. Rejection is like a universal unifier in so many ways.

Alex Alexander: 30:00

So if somebody wanted to do that, if somebody wanted to create a rejection text thread or a rejection buddy or a rejection party. Do you have any tips for anybody on like creating a safe space for people to share their rejection stories?

Tanesha Moody: 30:19

I feel like that is such a beautiful way to build community. And I feel like what comes to mind for me in terms of creating that safe space is definitely having some ground rules at the first front of it, reinforcing that everyone knows here that you were not rejected your offer was So potentially, like encouraging people even when they share them like This is the offer that was rejected. So they're super clear on that at the forefront of it, maybe even inviting some vulnerability in there. Here are the emotions that came up with it, and really being curious like that curiosity piece is what I feel like helps us all to move forward and to recognize, like what this whole experience has taught us, and what we're celebrating or learning and growing from that. So being curious through asking some questions that are open ended, so they can go ahead and expand from that. I think following those type of things, and incorporating that in there, definitely having some fun emojis and memes on depth, depending on what kind of approach that you end up taking, so that it's easier to just infuse some more celebration into that. I love that idea. Go for it. Please create more of that.

Alex Alexander: 31:43

There's just so many opportunities. I mean, this is what happens. This is why I love this podcast. Is my podcast. Is my mind is now just a buzz with all the ways that somebody could create this, right? Because it could be about your career, it could be about dating, it could be a rejection group related to parenting, right? A parents group where you talk about all the moments in your day like they might just be a million micro-rejections, whether it's your kid rejecting to eat the food they loved yesterday, or the rejection of trying to talk to another parent at the playground and they're not having it right, like that. Could be a way to do this. It could be somebody who's on any sort of goal or journey. You know, want to say anywhere you're making change, but honestly, anywhere you just exist. Team? Yes, if you feel like you could use a little community there, this could be the place, because it's a common ground, it's a unifier. Everybody's being rejected, exactly. So it's a pretty safe bet that the person you talk to is also experiencing rejection. If you are trying to be in with community with them. About that, and I hope, I'm just gonna say, I hope, if you are listening and you decide to lean in and create a text thread or a group or a rejection party, we want to hear about it. Send us a message. Tell us what it is we want to hear about how you're building community around your rejection. Because now I'm going to do this, I'm excited. Where am I going with this? So I mean, now we know like you're trying to get rejected daily. Yes, maybe in multiple ways, like you might have a career rejection and a connection. Rejection, it sounds like, what would you say after this many rejections? What would you say is, like the most surprising outcome of all this work you've done?

Tanesha Moody: 33:51

I would say the most surprising outcome from this is really the piece of if I can see and it's kind of what I was sharing earlier before, if I can recognize the positive from this rejection experience. It's going to help me get to where I'm supposed to be, who I'm supposed to be, like I'm a strong component. I wrote a blog post about this, about rejection advice that sucks.

Alex Alexander: 34:22

Oh, share more of that.

Tanesha Moody: 34:23

Yeah. I mean, you hear the usual ones, just build tough skin and all those ones, or rejection is just redirection. I personally do not like that one. I'm not a huge fan of that because it makes it feel like I'm not already on the right path, which I am. Like that rejection was just I equated to, like a Tough Mudder race, or something like, you don't see them just kind of like, Oh, I'm on the wrong like, this is the path that you have to run through the mud, through you have to navigate all of those obstacles. You have to overcome them. And that's how I see rejection, not as something that is, like a redirection. They don't just get off the path and go walk through the sunflower field. No, they keep going through the mud to get to the end of that race. And I recognize that for me, rejection is something that is really sent to help me. It's sent to give me some kind of insight, some way that I need to kind of pivot. It's information. It is the gift. It is something to be grateful for, and that has been what's been so mind blowing for me, is that, and the fact that there's so many ripple effects from this. Because if I can do this with rejection, then I can do that with fear. Because, all right, what is fear trying to teach me? What can I be grateful for from fear? What gifts are coming from the fear? If I can do that with rejection, then I can do that with fear, and then I can do this with all these other things too. And that's what's been so mind blowing about all of these things, like they are all really trying to help me live this full out life that I'm trying to live and potentially help others do the same.

Alex Alexander: 36:10

You don't know how much I needed this episode today, like I needed to hear you. I just need you to know that I needed to hear you today, very badly. Alex, because Man, am I stuck in some places, and you're just reframing like I needed to hear your words today. You got to keep sharing this message so as somebody who's currently stuck with rejection a little bit certain area of my life, I'm stuck here. Where do you see most people getting stuck with rejection?

Tanesha Moody: 36:51

I feel like they get stuck that the hardest part, which is defining what was really rejected. Our default is to go straight to it was me. Yep, it was me that was rejected. But I feel like if we can really super clarify what was rejected, I think that's where people can get a little bit unstuck. And I know like I really struggled with this as I was writing about it, because I consider myself an ally for the LGBTQIA+ community, and I have friends in that community, especially working professionally in theater as an AEA stage manager, like, like, those are super heavy rejection. It's easy to feel like my parents rejected me because who I am, yeah. And I know that there was, there are other heavy ones in that, like, in terms of, like, communities that you feel ostracized from, and those are so some, probably the, some of the most challenging things to reframe as an offer, like Tanesha, where's the offer that, like, come on, and I've talked to other friends about this to help, to help me kind of see like, is this really? Does this make sense, even for something like that? And I know that it hurts to hear this, but potentially, no, yes, again, you were not rejected, but potentially your offer to be a part of the family was Yeah. So it's the offer that I feel like people really get stuck in defining which makes it even more challenging to navigate through a rejection experience.

Alex Alexander: 38:35

To close out this episode, as you've been on this journey of seeking out rejection, and you've been sharing it with others, and you've been coaching others, you've been working with others, like, long term, I guess, like, what is your hope for how this rejection work impacts other people?

Tanesha Moody: 38:58

Long term? My hope is that you started something that's bigger than myself. Like I feel like there's possibilities for this to carry over and ripple in other people's lives. My whole goal, usually even like when I'm writing, when I do speaking engagements and such, is like, I just hope one person gets positively impacted by this, that one person has a reframe that one person doesn't see rejection as so heavy and something that they can't leverage to become who they want to be. And I feel like, if that one person can go and help somebody else, that another one person, I feel like that's cultivating a ripple of change that is so necessary. And like I mentioned previously, it's not just for rejection, it's for so many other pieces too, and that's really what I'm hoping for. That's what I'm believing for. And even as I finish doing my writing and coaching people do those things. It's really, just, honestly going back to like, just that one person, just helping this one person be able to navigate something that I had to navigate myself.

Alex Alexander: 40:16

Okay, so I am going to ask one more question then. So if there's that one person who's listening to this podcast today and you want them, or you want to encourage them to start practicing this reframe that rejection isn't about them, the rejection is to their offer. What is one way that somebody could start practicing that in their daily lives?

Tanesha Moody: 40:40

I believe it starts with curiosity, being curious about what was the offer that I made? What offers do I want to make? What feelings are coming up as I'm navigating this rejection, and who do I want to be the next time a rejection experience happens, being curious and asking yourself those questions and answering them. Don't just ask yourself that you gotta answer them too. I feel like that is going to help move that one person forward, because I know it helped me,

Alex Alexander: 41:20

all right, curiosity, that's what I'm moving forward with, because I really did need this conversation today. Tanesha, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I'm just really grateful for this reframe for everybody, but for myself too. I just I really appreciate your work.

Tanesha Moody: 41:36

Thank you so much, Alex, it's been such a privilege. I'm so grateful.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 41:41

I have to be honest, this conversation came at exactly the right moment for me. I was literally laying awake the night before we recorded this spiraling about all the ways I've been holding back because I didn't want people to say no or sorry or you haven't been accepted. I didn't want people to I don't know, laugh that I was even asking if I'm being honest. And here was Tanesha reminding me that rejection isn't about me as a person. Those were just offers. You know, what I'm taking away from Tanesha is approach. Here is how it transforms rejection from this isolating, shame filled experience into something that actually brings us together like think about it, if we are all

Alex Alexander: 42:28

if you want to take this conversation a step getting rejected in big and small ways every day, why are we hiding it from each other, but then taking a step further? Why further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it are we celebrating it? Because we're trying, we're living life. What if we did create. Rejection parties, rejection text threads, interesting. And use what we as a conversation starter the find rejection buddies. So what are we all doing after this episode? Well, we are going to start getting really, really curious about our rejected offers, and we're going to start seeking out rejection. We're going to maybe set some like daily goals of how many rejections we're trying to get, and we're gonna notice the micro-rejections. We're trying to reframe them and let them weigh on us a little bit less. Now, if this conversation around rejection resonated with you, next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary Tanesha would love to invite you to explore more on her blog. It's linked in the show notes, and if you're feeling pulled to goodbye. I'll be back with a new episode next week. dive deeper, she offers Discovery sessions to explore whether coaching together might support you in living full out. You'll find all of those links in the show notes, along with her social media. So remember, you're not being rejected, your offer is and there's a big difference with that. I'll see you next week.